Category Archives: blog

Dec29

Heading Into The New Year With Anticipation (Part I)

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Almost a new year.

I can’t believe that 2009 will be over in a matter of days. It really has been an incredible year, incredibly fast that is. It seems that each year gets a little more hurried as I pack more and more into my life. It can be crazy and insanely tough, but honestly I wouldn’t change a thing.

It is about this time each year that I start looking back and wondering just what I will get myself into next year. Many people write out resolutions but I want to do something different this year. I’ll probably still make out a list, but in addition to that I am going to write down a list of all that I have managed to accomplish over the past 12 months. Not only does it give me a great big boost of confidence, which at times I sorely need, but it also reminds me that I CAN achieve anything I want to, as long as I just keep moving towards my goals.

The idea came to me from a fairly ordinary source. I go through a review process at work every six months. After my first one, I realized that while it may seem simple to recall all of the reasons why you should be kept around or even better be given a raise, it can actually be pretty hard, especially if you are as crazy busy and pressed for time as I am. My mentor suggested I keep an “accomplishments” folder to help me remember. Basically it works like this: every time I get an email that in any way praises something I’ve done I print it out. When I meet a tough (read IMPOSSIBLE) deadline, I make a note of it and toss it in the folder. After six months I can easily pull out my folder and summarize everything I’ve done to improve the organization.

It worked so well for my job that I decided to do something similar for each year for all the other parts of my life. So now I keep a folder with pretty much everything that was flattering, an accomplishment, a triumph of spirit or just a great learning experience in it. I am now approaching 2010 with my first complete list in hand, ready to go over it in preparation for another incredibly wonderful, but insanely speedy year. And as cheesy and idealistic as that sounds, I find that as I look over it I really do feel much more optimistic about how I am spending my life.

The next step to the process is rather than go through a review as I would at work, I will share the list (in summary form) here on my blog with all of you. In doing so maybe it will help to inspire someone else to keep pushing against the odds, that there is in fact light at the end of the tunnel even if that tunnel seems interminably long sometimes.

To go one better in part two of this post I will also including my usual list of resolutions in addition to my accomplishments.So here you go. Read, comment and share your own accomplishments!

2009 in a nutshell:

Over the last year I crossed over that invisible line between what I used to think was “old” and the reality of being 30 years old and knowing that age is completely relative despite the scary realization that my first-born also became a preteen this year. I completed the second year of a job that I really want to become my career despite a couple of life-threatening incidents including an insane asthma attack during my first interior ignition on a 2000 acre prescribed burn (got it all on film though) and a midnight boat accident that trapped me underwater with alligators and a  dislocated jaw and also gave me a concussion and an odd scar on my nose.

I came through some of the most challenging moments of my marriage, with a renewed passion and stronger bond with my husband than I ever thought possible.While not a prince on a white horse, he’s the sexiest, most compassionate and forgiving frog I could have ever hoped to kiss and spend the rest of my life with. D, I love you.

My kids achieved amazing milestones including a first band concert for my percussion-playing 12-year-old and a  first bus ride to kindergarten for my five-year old (with only minimal tears from me). I nearly cried when my little boy wrote his own name, when my daughter said “mommy hold me,” and when my oldest son beat me at checkers for the first time without me going “easy” on him. There were soccer tournaments, surprise parties and a boy-scout camporee. I introduced them to snow, snakes, frogs, turtles, bats, birds, fire, lichens, bugs and the values of conservation including a river clean-up and the first ever right whale festival. It is amazing that their successes, their wonder make me feel successful as well, as a parent, as a woman, and as a person.Having happy, healthy, curious and vibrant children is a reflection of the tireless combined efforts of both me and my husband, a team we are both embarrassingly proud of.

I grew professionally, designing and implementing the first social media program for the state agency where I work. In addition to that program I created a handbook (that is regularly updated and re-released) for that program that was shared state-wide, then nation-wide, and used to create similar programs for other wildlife agencies. I spoke at both a local and a regional conference on social media and conservation, and was then asked to serve as a member of a state-wide task force to help promote wildlife conservation through social media. The first DVD I ever produced received a near perfect score by an independent panel made up of wildlife communication professionals from all over the country, giving me both the confidence and the credibility to go forward with additional videos and the resources to create an entire video production program within my division. I completed fire training, passed my pack test, held an alligator, shocked fish, identified lichens, helped build a cave gate for bats and may have discovered a new habitat for a crayfish. Pretty cool.

I achieved good grades in graduate school despite working 60+ hour weeks and traveling extensively, not to mention caring for three children. Amazingly I was also accepted into an MS program for conservation ecology after being told my whole life that science and math weren’t my “thing” – and I am excelling within the program! I was asked to guest lecture not once but twice for a college course and even discussed co-teaching a class on social media with an old professor.

I am finally approaching my pre-baby weight going from a 12 to an 8, but actually feeling healthier than I ever did before my three children and realizing that I haven’t actually stepped on a scale daily for months and knowing I’m okay with that, a true sign I am really recovering from years of disordered eating.

Neither of my two main blogs have brought me fame or fortune, but I know what it feels like to be at the top of a Google search (I outranked the Texas stripper with my name) and to be featured consistently on sites like Brazen Careerist and Damsels in Success. I received an excellent review by a top-ranked blogger and made the move to WordPress without losing any readers. I started a business of my own with my family, including a family story blog that my kids are having a ball with helping out on. It really feels good to be creating something lasting and possibly lucrative with my children that doesn’t involve exploiting them as a stage mom.

So as you can see, I’ve had an incredible year. Stay tuned for part II when I go over what I intend to do next year!

Jan17

life at the crossroads…

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So I have been blogging for two long years now, primarily over at my professional blog, and well, things are changing.

My perspective on life in general has changed tremendously over the last 24 months, for a number of reasons.  I graduated college, had another baby, got an awesome job, went back to college, got published, had my blog picked up by several independent sites, made some awesome blogger contacts, got married…

I love to blog, I love to write…and I am quickly learning that doing what you love is far more important than bringing home a paycheck, at least in the idealistic world in my head. I guess I never really been in sync with our capitalistic country that praises  the good girls and boys who play nice, work 9-5 and have neighborhood barbecues and outings at the local country club.

I have a family to support and granted writing for free will not keep the roof over their heads or put food in their bellies, but what kind of example would I be setting if I spent my life being miserable. Would they look back as adults and pity all that I had given up on, opportunities missed?

I tell my kids that anything is possible, that all they have to do is believe and then of course put in a ton of hard work (nothing great is ever easy you know). How can I sleep at night if I don’t follow my own advice?

I really want to become a role model for them, and to do that there have to be some serious changes made.

I made a list of new years resolutions like millions of others all over the world. I am afraid however that I have already abandoned the list and it is only the 17th day of the new year…

I really want to write about the things I am passionate about, and I worry that I am limited by my professional blog.

I am thinking seriously of shutting it down and hoping that my loyal readers will migrate with me over to this blog where I feel that I can really write more about life, balance, family, and of course the old standby, saving the planet.

If  Ryan Paugh can do it, well why can’t I? Maybe I am not a successful as he is, but he makes some very good points for making a change. After all I am turning 30 this year….so I guess I am not really a millennial for much longer. (certainly not by Brazen Careerist standards since they stop featuring you when you hit that magic number). Well we got a runner Logan, I am growing up through my writing and so maybe my blog needs to grow up too.

Dec21

Going for it!

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I have decided to go for it. I now write free-lance for Divine Caroline and BlogHer, as well as maintain my professional blogs at Everyday Public Relations and Today.com. I think this is the right move and I only hope I can keep up with how fast my life is moving. Wish me luck!

Bring on the money!!!

Nov12

The Changing of the Guard: Understanding people’s reactions to change

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My graduate nonprofit class spent a great deal of time today talking about change. It got me thinking about how change can be harnessed, how people react to it, study it and how the concept of it is used everywhere from altering school board decisions to winning presidential elections.

Human beings are naturally resistant to change. We are creatures of habit and crave the comfortable security of our same-old, same-old comfort zones.

I’ve written before about the changes that the public relations industry is going through and how we must either adapt or be left behind. This post delves a little deeper into the process an individual (PR pro or otherwise) must go through when confronting change on a large scale, whether they are taking on a new client, electing a new president, accepting a new position or simply deciding that maybe your old ways of doing things are a little outdated and need a face-lift.

There are a couple things that one must take into consideration first, when contemplating a large-scale change within their current organization.

Create readiness. NEVER spring a sudden change upon staff or clients. You set yourself up for failure by doing this and may find yourself the victim of mutiny (or as it is called in the civilized world, a hostile takeover).

Show, don’t tell. Provide real examples; show the discrepancies between what works and what doesn’t. Having examples of successful organizations or firms that implemented similar changes are a huge plus and a strong motivational tool for those on the fence. Let them see how they will benefit and then on the flip side, provide examples of those which have remained stuck, with little innovation. The more extreme the distance between the two examples, the better tool this will be.

Okay, so you have implemented your changes. Excited, you expect big things but there is just one problem, not everyone is on board. Now what?

Overcoming resistance

There are three types of resistance to change. Cognitive, Emotional and Behavioral.

Cognitive resistance usually manifests itself in the most frustrating way. It is hard to identify and can be a real challenge when trying to educate your clients/friends/constituency or whatever. This is the person who smiles and nods and then politely ignores everything you have to say.

Emotional resistance has deeper roots and is harder to identify, but has some telling signals. It is generally based on years of decision-making and deep-seated convictions which will cause a person to shout, cry or become overwhelmed. It can be tough to remain calm, because an emotional person will look for you to be reactionary. Don’t play that game. You won’t win. Just be steady and tow the line.

Behavioral is the easiest resistance to spot – usually because the person is either screaming in your face, or if you are really lucky, throwing garbage or animal parts on you. Do not engage in retaliation. EVER. You will never appear to be the victor. As with those who cry and scream, remain calm, walk away and keep your finger’s crossed that eventually they will come to at least agree to disagree without any obvious sabotage.

So in light of all this, what do you do? Here is some information that will hopefully help you get through it, without having a nervous breakdown.

My place of employment is fairly resistant to change. It is still run primarily by men in their 50′s who look at me like I’ve grown a second head when I start talking about social networking and blogs. To be fair, they like the idea of it all, they just don’t really GET it, or how it can help their bottom line. Anyways….

There are three stages of change, much like the stages of grief. My professor did an awesome job of communicating the idea to us using the analogy of a sky-diver. First you make a decision, get over your fear, whatever. Then you have to go to the place and go through the safety course and then actually get on the plane. Lastly you have to jump. That’s a big one, involving a huge range of cognitive, emotional and behavioral sparks that all have to come together in your brain just right for you to actually get out the door of that airplane.

The first stage, oddly enough is the ending stage. This is where you are acknowledging that the way things have always been done is coming to an end. In my industry and many others this is known as the “changing of the guard“. It is a tough time for many. Letting go of your comfort level can be extremely difficult. You can help your employees and clients through this time by providing adequate support, additional resources for information and showing examples of those who have successfully gone before.

(This is assuming that you are not the first!! If so, then you just have to go for it or sit back and wait for someone else to fall on their face. )

The second stage is the neutral stage. In this stage you have pretty much accepted that things are changing, but you are not quite “there” yet. You are not fully opposed anymore, but you are not fully on-board either. You still have doubts. This stage is crucial. Think of the swing states in the election, the undecided voters. This is your chance to really shine and show what you are made of, and why the change will be so beneficial. This stage is all about showing, reinforcing and providing support. You must be prepared for setbacks, and it is not easy. You will have backsliders, but if you persist, you can and will reach the next stage…

Lastly you have the beginning stage. Ahhhh…new beginnings. Doesn’t everyone just love the honeymoon stage? Everyone is excited, and anything seems possible. You mustn’t lose sight however that you are not the first person to implement change. It is a never ending cycle of slowly fixing a system that is broken or appears to be now, but wasn’t always that way. Like a clock with a million tiny parts, it might take some time and effort to figure out not only what is wrong, but after fixing it, how to put it all back together again. It doesn’t always work the way you think it should, but that doesn’t make it wrong either. You may just have to modify your perception of what is “right” and “wrong”.

It is important to remember that real change takes time. Just as with all the excited people (me included) that got Obama elected, I can really feel that there is a fervor in the air that is truly palpable. Change is possible, but you still must go through the process, nothing good is ever easy.

We, as a nation must go through these steps of change together and my hope is that we make it through the tough times, in order to truly celebrate a new beginning.

Oct18

Just how much SHOULD be online?

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This particular topic is the cause for frequent arguments in my household. With the seemingly omnipresence of the Internet – everyone is online, often living out a completely separate life via social networking sites such as MySpace, LinkedIN, Twitter and Facebook.

At the same time identity theft is on the rise, as well as other online threats. Which leads me to my question….just how much should be online?

I did a post a while back about living a transparent life. While I still agree that networking and having an online identity is good and even necessary in some cases, I am beginning to see the merits of the argument for the opposite side.

Just to stop and to clarify, I am on the borderline between Gen X and Gen Y and have a very active online life. And although I came into the game a little later than many of my Brazen pals. I readily admit that I am addicted to email, blog on a regular basis and really enjoy catching up with pals on Facebook.

However, I have also been the victim of a selfish, unprofessional and slightly vindictive reporter, so I am also aware of the dangers of having too much information available for the world to see.
So how much is too much?

I do not publish under a false name or identity as some bloggers do. I am proud of what I write and what I am contributing to society. Lately though, I have begun to wonder about the world that exists outside my online community, which of course includes my family, my job and life.

There are some things the world maybe does not need to know about. For starters, having too much personal information regarding your family, particularly your children, is never a good idea. As paranoid as it may sound, we live in a different world than our parents did and kids are no longer immune from from media hounds looking for a story, or predators for that matter. And I don’t just mean children of celebrities. It seems that just about anyone can become a person of interest in this day and age and if you have kids, they are considered fair game for that person trying to dig up information on you. So it would seem, that keeping them offline entirely is probably a good idea.

Something else to consider, personal, financial and employment information. This seems like a no-brainer to me, but I heard recently about a fellow blogger who was duped (incredibly so, because she is a very intelligent person) by someone claiming to want to help her with her blog. She had posted information about what she did for a living and even what the salary ranges are for her particular occupation. I will respect her privacy and not go into more detail, but I realize that the only reason she was tricked was because of the extent of the information that the online predator had about her. (collected from Facebook, her blog and LinkedIn) Curious I did a google search on myself and was somewhat surprised about the amount of information out there. I can honestly say that maybe I have been a little too lax in allowing my personal identity to be broadcast to the world.

I often wonder at times just who is reading my blog and am beginning to think that maybe having an online life is not always the greatest thing. I mean, should I worry about mentioning my professor, or my boss? Are they reading and will they seek retribution? Am I worried for nothing?

I enjoy blogging but have been told that I sometimes cross the line with my posts.

I want to continue doing what it is I do, which hopefully is reaching out to other bloggers, PR students, writers, and anyone really who is on the same wave-length as me. I do not want to put my children or career at risk however so I have much to contemplate.

Does anyone else experience this dilemma or have I finally let Big Brother get to me? Feel free to share your own experiences, positive or negative. We are all online these days and a part of a larger world than our parents ever could have imagined. Is this good, bad, or nothing new? Maybe I am a little crazy, but without comments I may never know!

Jun2

Being Imperfect Can Help Your Career

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There is a great article out in this month’s edition of Body and Soul magazine. The column by staffer Terri Trespicio details why it is important to cut yourself a little slack now and then.

Suffering from perfectionism myself, I was drawn to this article with a kind of fascination usually reserved for writing and re-writing and then writing again my blog posts

The point of the article is that there are steps we can take to break out of the perfectionist mind-set in order to empower our decisions so we can move forward with our lives both personally and professionally. Thanks to Terri for the great article.

Hopefully these things will help you as much as they did me.

  1. Remove your mental filter. – Perfectionists often only hear the negative news, letting the positive reviews go in one ear and out the other. Try readjusting your mental sieve and allow some of the good stuff to stick
  2. Discover the joys of getting it wrong. – Start looking at your flaws as opportunities for personal and professional growth. Nobody likes to be wrong but being able to accept and learn from mistakes will make you a better person both in and out of the boardroom. Dan Baker, Ph.D and co-author of What Happy Women Know, says this, “Think of making a mistake as paying tuition, once you’ve paid, you might as well learn the lesson.”
  3. Compare yourself to others, realistically. –Maybe you do enough of this, but you probably don’t see others with the same foggy filter you see yourself with. Try taking notice of your peers. Do they take shorter/longer lunch breaks, make the occasional typo, and lock themselves out of their cars? If they are not perfect then why should you be.
  4. Put people before things. – Put the people in your life before your stuff. This may seem like a no-brainer, but how often (and be honest here) do you find yourself late getting home again because you just had “one” more thing to get done at the office? How many relationships fizzle because one person is already married…to their job? It happens all the time so take a good look around now. If you log more hours at your desk than say the average mouse pad, you need more face time with your friends and family. Even if you are a busy CEO, taking some quality time will pay off in more ways than one as it is well established that happy workers (with happy families) are much more Productive, efficient and effective.
  5. Prioritize your perfectionism. – This too is hard to hear, since with all perfectionists, of course we want to be great at everything. The article states this however, “Instead of trying to master everything, pick some things you want to excel in.” As Penelope Trunk once stated in her book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success, (and I am most definitely paraphrasing) specialization is a wonderful thing. Being a little good at everything (or half-assed at everything) will not win you any awards and will definitely not fatten your wallet. Pick a few tasks/topics/subjects etc. you really excel at and work on them. For me it is persuasive advocacy writing and graphic design particularly in regards to wildlife publications. I am by no means a scientist and can’t list the statistics of every endangered species but I can create a really pretty picture with words and photos that will make even the most hardened ant-environmentalist want to read more.
  6. Let a dirty sock be just a dirty sock. – Ahhh… the joys of a clean house. I admit that I am severely embarrassed to have people over to my house without say a month of advanced notice. Ok so maybe I am not that bad, but hey with three kids and both my partner and I working full time there is not a whole ton of time left over for house cleaning. The article claims that seeing small-scale messes as a personal failure is actually a cognitive disorder (do they make a pill specifically for the racing heart and cold sweaty palms I feel whenever I open my 10-year-old’s closet door, right before the entire contents come crashing down on my head? Probably) Anyhow, I take great pride in my work and my family and am starting to let go of the dirty sock as global disaster mindset. All three of my kids are turning out pretty darned well and I am succeeding at work and in my personal life so I must be doing something right, even if it’s not the laundry. Rather than react emotionally, see things like socks, dishes and dust for what they are, everyday facts of life that need tending to, not evidence of your incompetence.
  7. Focus on wellness not weight. – Another big one for me. After three kids I will never pass as a super model but being okay with myself is a constant challenge. In addition to personal (sometimes unrealistic) goals, there is also the added pressure of working is a somewhat public industry. Appearance does matter in public relations, however taking care of your self, having trimmed neat nails and clean suitable clothes are a heck of a lot more important than being the one on the office with the tiniest waist.
  8. Age gracefully. – A few wrinkles does not make you a bag lady, it adds character really! According to Baker what makes us truly attractive is more about confidence, carriage and hard-won wisdom rather than firm skin or how much you resemble a fashion model. And just a tip from me, those women who do go all out to look 20 years younger often come off as unprofessional or unapproachable or worse “that old woman from accounting with the peel on face and skin tight leopard-print skirt who gives me the creeps.” Don’t be that person.
  9. Counter the negative with a positive. – This goes back to number one on the list. Often perfectionists only hear the bad things and assume they are doing it all wrong. In order to stop this kind of thinking, try to automatically counter your negative thoughts with three happy ones. As corny as it seems, even having a list works wonders when you are at risk of sliding into the dumps. My list is wallet sized and changes periodically, but serves to remind me that I am a good mom, a good writer and a successful businesswoman.
  10. Kick black and white thinking to the curb.– Last of all get rid of the all or nothing mindset. There are shades of gray in just about every situation on Earth. Remind your self those temporary moments of insanity (having an extra dessert, a bad hair day or being 15 minutes late) does not mean you are fat or lazy or an incredible slacker. Give yourself credit for all you do right and understand that in the end we are all just human.

What do you do to beat your perfectionist tendencies? Does any one have some creative ideas or feel more should be added to the list? Send me a comment!

To read the entire article check out the June edition of Body and Soul Magazine.

May28

The New Generation of Super Moms

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In the current issue of the PRSA publication “Strategist” there is an entire article devoted to the concerns of having a family while building a career.

Assistant Professor of Public Relations and Journalism, Lorra M. Brown is of the opinion that motherhood poses significant obstacles for those of us looking to climb the ladder to public relations success. I have to admit, I agree with many of the points she makes. Yes there is guilt. Yes there is a certain amount of discrimination, especially in the PR world.

I admit my situation is far from the typical story, as I did not have children after entering the professional world, rather I began my career with three under my belt. Not something I would recommend in any case by the way. (Unless you just like doing things the hard way.)

Because I married young and foolishly and was divorced by age 21, my life took a slightly different track.

I didn’t start college until I was 22 years old and a single parent of one overly rambunctious little boy. Five years, a new spouse and two more children later I graduated at the age of 27. Because of my circumstances I felt that I didn’t have time for internships and crappy “just-while-I’m-in college” jobs that involved many hours for little pay. After all I had a family to feed. To that end I sacrificed experience or what some call “paying your dues” to try and get a jump on my career.

So I did what any woman in my situation would do. I did it all. I worked full time, went to school full time and managed to make it to nearly every one of my son’s baseball games. When it came time for me to graduate college and get a real job, I figured the transition would be easy. After all I had been working a real job albeit not in my desired field for nearly three years. How hard could it be?

Turns out, very hard.

I am sure there are many companies out there who would not hold the existence of three children against an interview candidate…. they have to exist, maybe I just didn’t meet them for the first six months I interviewed.

There is a law that states that you can’t discriminate based upon things like marital status or the number of children one might have. I never thought that it would happen to me and never was shy about mentioning my little darlings when prompted.

(**Please note that I was usually only prompted by having to explain my absence from the workforce due to maternity leave. It never occurred to me to lie and say I was traveling the world or some such nonsense.)

My husband eventually pointed out the error of my ways after one particularly bad interview in which I felt I was perfect for the job, but knew my resume was doomed for the circular file after my interviewers eyes glazed over after the mention of children. It was as if I had personally dumped a poopy diaper on her desk.

So what gives anyways? Yes being a mom often requires that I miss work for things like doctor appointments, baseball championships or other family obligations, but I find that since I started my job I miss no more work than my non-parent co-workers. At least I am not missing work to get my hair and nails done. I am very dedicated to my job and often pull overtime and work at home to make sure the quality of my work does not suffer.

I am lucky to have found an employer in the nonprofit sector that supports moms in the workforce although I will admit I probably make a good bit less than my counterparts in the corporate world. Most of us here have children, which certainly makes it easier to run home for a three year old with an ear infection or an acorn up his nose.

I still try to be a super mom, keeping up with the housework while working a 60-hour a week job and keeping up with baseball and boy scouts. I often bring work home. Some people ask how I do it but to me it is the way it has always been. Maybe those in my generation are used to doing it all, the masters of the multi-task. We don’t hesitate to work, have a family, run a blog, and go to school. It is all a part of our everyday lives.

I think that being a super mom is no longer about being a super executive while getting dinner on the table every night. It is more about doing the things you want, when you want and still maintaining a quality of life i.e. working. I applaud the younger generation that puts having a family on an equal footing with having a career. Both are important but it takes a strong person to maintain the balance. Our generation is full of just that type of people.

Lastly, there is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman…well I think the opposite is also true. I couldn’t be successful without my supportive hubby. Thanks for letting my inner super mom shine through.